Welcome to this week’s Big Money Stylist podcast as the Artists from DKW Styling Salon delve into the topic of Power, more specifically the Power of stories – the stories we create about ourselves and our industry – and how these stories will either derail and fuck us up or lead us into a life that we truly want to live.
For Big Money Stylist, we go over the following formula each month:
Week #1: Power
Week #2: Production
Week #3: Profit
Week #4: Protection
In This Week’s Episode…..POWER
Point #1: Industry Fables
- Many Artists don’t believe in themselves and dutifully execute whatever the Industry has taught them to do. For example, we are taught that you accommodate everyone and everything that walks through the door until you have “arrived,” even if it means doing what you don’t like doing – which most Artists believe is their only option. This creates the all too prevalent and less than powerful scarcity mindset.
- There are many stories created about who we are as stylists and what is expected of us. More often than not, we are expected to work six days a week, are thought of as hobbyists and not taken seriously, and for many the belief is widely accepted that people choose hair as a career because they are too fucking stupid for anything else.
What are some of the stories you believe that are simply not true, but are widely accepted as true?
Point #2: Tell Me a Story
- The stories that seem to affect us the most are the stories we create about ourselves. Coach Ani describes stories as “a layer of made up bullshit that you tell yourself over and over again.” We don’t know where they come from, why or how they start, but one day you tell yourself something, decide to fucking stick with it and pretty soon you have allowed that story to shape and define your life.
- Whether it was breaking an engagement and moving to California, teaching on a stage in front of 300 Artists at a convention, feeling ‘worthy’ to increase prices, or deciding to stop working Saturday’s, each of the ladies have overcome and rewritten their stories, which has enabled them to get out of their own way and create a life they love.
Where in your life are you putting off rewriting a story that isn’t serving you?
Point #3: The Lies we Believe
- Our stories impact every part of our lives. How many times have you told yourself: I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough, that’s for someone else, not me. We get so much inside of our heads that we begin downplaying ourselves and live in a state of victimhood, and in the process we give away all of our power.
- Oft times stories are wound up so tightly inside of us that we can begin projecting them onto others until they believe them, too. Garrett repeated the story so often that Danielle didn’t want to have sex, that she actually started believing it was true. The voices and the stories inside our head are so much stronger than the truth of what really is.
How often do you downplay yourself by telling yourself you’re not worthy or you’re not good enough?
Point #4: Stuff or Stack?
- We have the ability to make life stressful or beautiful and zen. What do we do to remain in power when we get triggered or when things go south; when we start making stories up about the people and experiences in our lives? How do we handle our feelings rather than stuff them deep inside of us to handle “later?”
- Coach Ani uses a powerful tool each day called the Stack which is a series of questions designed to move her through these feelings and to see the story from different angles. By the end of her Stack, she has gained clarity, power and solutions. Coach Val is the queen of reframe where she is able to have conversations with herself and see things from many perspectives until she can find something positive to move her forward instead of staying stuck in a story.
When you get triggered what do you do to return to a place of peace and power?
Point #5: The Power of Choice is Yours
- Coach Val: I know it is always my choice. If there is something not going well, I would rather blame myself and come up with a solution than blame anyone else. I can fix me. I can fix my mindset and my mood, and that is so freeing. What is so beautiful to realize is no one has any control over anything you do, except for you.
- Coach Ani: At the end of the day, everything is up to me: the life I want to live and the choices I make. If I want to live at the beach, that is my choice and I will have to work fucking harder than I ever have. If I don’t want to get married, it’s my choice. If I choose to get married knowing that something is wrong, that is also my choice. I have the power of choice over everything in my life. And so do you.
Where in your life are you playing the victim and blaming others for your circumstances?
Quote of the Week:
“You don’t have to wait until tomorrow. You don’t have to wait until next week or next month. If, in the middle of your day things are not going the way you want them to, take a deep breath, figure out what needs to be changed, and then change it. If you don’t change anything, you are going to continue to have the same exact life. If you want something different, do something different. Stand in your power and do that.”
— Valerie Plunk
“What is it in your life that you don’t like? What story have you been telling yourself for so long that you’ve actually convinced yourself it’s true? How can you go about changing it? A the end of the day, your life is yours to lead and no one else’s. No one is coming to save you. But you can change you.”
“My biggest story is that I am not a confrontational person. Confronting people about things that are bothering me is still hard for me. But every time I jump over that hurdle and handle things, I feel more powerful and have more confidence in myself and my abilities. I find that I also have more respect for myself when I stand in my power.